Since the ancient years Eros was considered as a creature with divine power. He was the son of Aphrodite and the husband of Psyche and he was the one who was controlling hearts of human beings. So, he was the one who was making decisions about their moves and their actions. Human beings never stopped believing that the sense of being in love (“Erotas” in Greek) is “magic” and they kept praising Eros all these centuries. Eros was always an inspiration for every kind of artist and he was hope for every young individual with dreams about his/her life. Even nowadays, the emotion of being in love (erotas) give us a big “power” to live our lives fully, out of the normal way, the rules and the various “must”. Being in love make us (even temporarily) happy through the passion we experience with each of our partners. But is the emotion of being in love enough to make us happy? Is happiness a synonym of being in love? When the most power of the intense emotion of being in love “goes away” from a relationship can couples keep feeling happy? How much important is “Eros” in our lives and how much important are other factors in order to experience the true love happiness?
Maybe a big mistake of many people until nowadays is the separation of “love” and “being in love”. There are many people who believe that if the one exists the other doesn’t. They think that the one follows the other which means that when someone is in love, he/she cannot love his/her partner or if someone loves deeply his/her spouse, he/she cannot be still in love. And having made this previous hypothesis a “necessary rule” maybe we didn’t predict the most simple and expected thing: the coexistence of love and being in love even for a short chronological period. If we cannot accept the coexistence of these two emotions/situations then we practically refuse the existence of erotic/sexual love and this would be really unfair for all these people and couples who managed to share this emotion.
If being in love is the result of some substance in our brains which make us happy and which slowly decreases, then we should see the possibility of rebirth of “erota” under specific conditions. If being in love is equal to passion, then there are already a lot of people who confess their personal passion rebirth with their longtime partners after specific facts/circumstances. As you may understand the list of facts and situations who help the previous passion to be reborn (or they give birth to a new, much better one!) could be really long! For those who decided to try to keep their existing partnership alive – instead of start searching of new, different and continuous affairs with different people – they should have to their minds some special “secrets” to conserve their being in love emotion.
After intense reading of various studies, articles and books I collected 10 from the most important factors which are responsible for the longtime love happiness of couples.
- Communication – first and above all: Sharing thoughts, emotions and experiences with the other partner is the alpha and the omega in a relationship. Tenderness and “warmness” of a relationship is raised when a couple honestly communicates not only verbally, but in any other way. Don’t stop to observe your partner! He/she is always here, in front of you!
- Qualitative time together without any external interferences: Lack of common time with our partner is another one important reason why couples stop being close to each other. Don’t sacrifice for anyone (even for your own children!) the time that you should spend together as lovers. Take care everyone that needs you, stay organized and typical with your rest obligations but try to find some time for your relationship!
- Eye contact and also frequent body contact with the other person: We often believe that in order “important” things to be done regarding the refreshment of our relationship we should get tired/press ourselves to find something really interesting. However, the truth is that a naughty look and a warm touch are enough to earn our partner’s attention. Come close to your person and mean everything you say and do. And be careful! It is not necessary every kind of joviality to end up in full sexual intercourse! We should learn to receive pleasure from every glance and every caress without having as a goal to make sex and have strong orgasms!
- Permanent sexual claim of the other: Your partner is not imprisoned in your relationship (even if you are a married couple!). He/she is with you because he/she wants, so try to make his/her will to stay to last. In other words, if you don’t show your sexual interest to him/her then for sure at some point someone will want to “play your role” (no matter if we sometimes believe that this will not happen!).
- Sharing new experiences and interests: Don’t you ever forget that no matter how busy you are every day with everything that it should be passed from your hands, you should never forget to share a small event with your partner. Today have a coffee with him/her, tomorrow you could go to the cinema, and the day after it would be nice to have a romantic dinner in a cute place with him/her. You should never forget that the “together” situation is not an idea, but an everyday action!
- One cute habit only for two: Even if some people say that routine destroys love, many studies have shown the exact opposite. More specifically, the existence of a beloved common habit (.e.g. drinking coffee every Saturday morning in your favorite café) could bring couples close and gives them the sense of sharing and agreement to something. Find a thing you would like to share as a couple and keep doing this as long as you still like it and you both get satisfaction from it. And of course, don’t you ever bring anyone inside to this! It is your thing (and it should remain like this!).
- Conservation of independence of both partners: Don’t lose your individuality even if you will become so much like the other person! Conserve your personal opinion, your different taste and these small, harmless things that make you to be you! e.g. if you like to read gossip magazines your partner should learn to live and laugh with that without criticizing or asking you to stop it.
- Respect and understanding of everything that it is important for the other person: It is directly related to the previous spots. Your partner is a different person: He/she is not you! So, you should not expect to be similar and agreed with your partner in absolutely anything! Enjoy your differences and accept them! In this way both of you will “breath” better in this relationship.
- Alternating compromises of partners regarding serious issues: The “defeat” of selfishness and the permanent effort to find a good solution for both sides are important elements which will conserve a relationship when it’s not at its’ best condition. Avoid searching for solutions when you are angry (difficult but it is a must!) and always try to stay subjective and with clear mind to solve the problem. Fights should not be a way of proving who is the smartest or best in anything, neither winner gets a special prize. If relationship is not good, then nobody wins, both lose. So, if you believe that a step back will give you more than your persistent attitude, don’t lose much time and make your compromise by offering a calm solution to the problem.
- Humor: Maybe the biggest mistake of all of us is that many times we take our lives so seriously! And it is not a random fact that many couples who stayed together for decades mention that they were laughing a lot with everything: with facts and things around them, with their friends, with their relationship but above all with themselves!