Today I am here to send an epistle in every child no matter what is their gender, nationality, religion, social class, age. My epistle includes one basic request: My beloved children stop blaming your parents for all the things that come up in your life. Your parents cannot be responsible for everything, but only for some of those you experience, so they cannot have the full responsibility for your existence.
Your parents don’t know everything, they know only some things. They are not perfect, but certainly they sometimes try to be good. They are not wise, but they try to teach you from their experience. They are not important to everyone, but they are important to you. They are not rich but they have been trying to make a living. They will not be with you forever, but they will live forever inside you.
I know that many children don’t have the privilege to meet their parents or they are not raised in a beautiful place with their parents and their siblings. Another possibility is that they are raised with people that should have never been parents, for absolutely no reason! To these children I want to say that I honestly try to think how difficult life can be without all the important things the rest of us take for granted. I wish life or your destiny (if you believe to things like that) to bring you a little of love and tenderness you missed through other relationships – even if things will never be absolutely well. However, I want to tell them that with parents or not difficulties of life always exist and they are experienced by everyone. Maybe they are different for each person, but they are always difficulties. All of us fight some kind of “monsters” and we should manage our personal demons.
Don’t forget my dear children that a relationship between a parent and a kid which could be considered as good is not the one of ideal love and too much respect. There is not ideal love and respect cannot be fully same in every occasion. Relationships of hate are of course troubled relationships between parents and children but equally weird are the relationships of excessive love between parents and their kids. Since your parents are not perfect or “God” you should stop thinking that they are. You didn’t come to this life to try satisfying some eternal “judges”, your beyond approach parents. You are here to live your life, to make your mistakes and not to prove to everyone that impeccable parents give birth to impeccable children. Fortunately a perfect family never existed. And I cannot see why it should be existed! We are full of non healthy models, that’s enough!
No one ever said that the way to adulthood and mental maturity is easy, but it is absolutely necessary. A mature child is someone who will understand that his/her parents do not succeed in everything and he/she will forgive them. He/she will figure out their weaknesses and he/she will accept them. An independent child can understand that many of the things he/she did were because of his/her parents but many other things have been done by him/her despite of the will or the existence of his/her parents. Parents determine us but only partly. They give us all the necessary things that we need to start our lives but for all the rest we should try a lot. Otherwise we will stay for the rest of our lives inside a house wondering why we weren’t born in another family, why our lives are not better, why we are so much unlucky. One day we should eventually make peace with our lives, our parents, ourselves. And then we should work hard and with passion to create our personal achievements.
So far I met hundreds of people in life – as most of us I guess. People of different ages, countries, religions, nationalities, beliefs, habits. I met people who couldn’t be anything really better than the people who raised them, so they become what exactly hated in their childhood. On the other hand I met people who fought a lot and they achieve many good things. They didn’t succeed because they disdained but because they put some effort. They experienced happy moments because they understood. They stayed calm and they accepted life situations. They raised their mentality a little bit more than other people because at some point they told themselves the truth: Our parents make a lot and serious mistakes but let’s admit the great job they also do! It is very difficult to be a parent, to raise kids. However, it’s a really exciting adventure that fills you with hope and faith for human beings and life, but mainly for yourself and the strength you didn’t know until now that you contain.