The real dilemmas in our lives

20150910_013230Many of us often keep torturing ourselves with questions like: “What would have happened if that day I had chosen this instead of that?”. Usually we wonder about stuff in specific periods of our lives when we are not pleased with one or more situations/conditions/factors and we seek for two elements: someone to blame and a way to fix our problem.

When we are looking for someone to blame, things are kind of simple: Either we blame ourselves or someone else. Both could happen frequently. When we search for a way to improve a situation then two things could happen: Either we try with knowledge we have to change negative conditions or we start looking for an alternative scenario to follow it (if it is too difficult to change a current situation that bothers us). In case of searching for an alternative option we could easily lose our valuable focus on the real subject and start wondering how we came to this point and if we had to make anything different in the past to avoid current results. And by this moment we see the big “trap” that we could easily fall into it. When we begin wondering what we could possibly do better in the past, we automatically create a pseudo-dilemma and we set a question that rationally it cannot be answered. Let’s see why.

We have a pseudo-dilemma when we are not really asked to make a choice between two or more situations/conditions/objects but instead we have only one and only situation/condition to decide if we want continue with it or not. However, it happens that many times people don’t easily accept the idea that maybe they have only one possible scenario and not ten to follow (Maybe it’s because of our era and that we are convinced by some people that everything is possible or doable?). Because of this, many of us we start creating pseudo-scenarios in our minds which are usually so difficult to come true or they could become real only after some serious trying and huge changes which just a few of us are about to attempt. It is really unbelievable how easily we can sometimes think that impossible could become possible maybe with magic or with the slightest effort by us. Maybe we fell easily for fairy-tales or stories of easy success or happiness that some people told to us. It is equally possible that we may think that since we were “good kids” until now, life should give us soon or later a reward for it. However, truth is that all those who succeed something important in their lives, they didn’t waste all their lives waiting for happiness but they preferred to walk towards happiness by themselves.

So, what happens when we create a pseudo-dilemma from nowhere? Well, we basically set q question that has no answer. Why? Simply because no one can be sure about what could happen if something else has happened instead of what exactly happens right now. Basically we cannot receive a decent answer in any question or hypothesis that starts with the words “What could have happen back then, if I…”. The time doesn’t come back but even if that could also happen, who tells us that a different decision/choice could make things better instead of similar or even worse? In other words, our impulsive certainty that if we have made a different choice things wouldn’t be negative/difficult as they are now it is only based on our personal impression and some information we may have. So, it is not fully based on truth and reliability. A human being use to see the world only through his/her eyes because that is how his/her vision works. However, he/she should always remind to himself/herself that there are a lot of pairs of eyes that see the world in many different ways. If there is a “truth” about something each of us have only one part of it and all the others have different pieces of it. We cannot reject millions of different scenarios and think that our view regarding specific facts is the most right and accurate.

But what is a real dilemma? A real dilemma comes up when we have clearly two options and we are asked to choose either one or the other. For example if we are about to eat in a restaurant and chef suggests us two different pizzas, one with cheese and one with salami, we have to choose if we want the one or the other or none of them (third choice). We may thought that a pizza with shrimps on it would be a great option. I am sure a lot of people will agree that a pizza with shrimps is a nice choice but what happens if there is not a choice like this to make in a specific restaurant? The possibility to choose a pizza with shrimps is not equal with the fact that there is a pizza with shrimps to order. We have to choose between a pizza with cheese and a pizza with salami, remember? This is our true dilemma. A pizza with shrimps is a choice but we don’t have it. So there is no point for us to think what we would have ordered if pizza with shrimps was available.

Dreams are part of human existence and they are related with the oxygen of our psychism which is hope. However, we should have a consciousness of the times we dream and the times we are awake. Our right in dreams doesn’t give us a right to be usually “logged off” the reality. We should be always able to know what we want and what we really have. In this way we prevent ourselves from being hurt without a rational reason and we control our lives in a better way. The guilt that “I could have been something much more or better in my life but it didn’t happen” is useless, since the possible selections are always just a few. We keep going in our lives with limited options and through them we are asked to live well. That is a big part of the truth and the sooner we understand it the faster we will set realistic goals to succeed those things that we want and this time it will be for real.

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