“How do you know that a relationship is different from others? How do you understand that the one and only is here or not?” a friend recently asked me. We had a full conversation about relationships (you know, women!) and how do we learn to pick right and not wrong people for partners. Before we noticed it we were to the point of the “one and only person” subject. Does one and only exist? Should we wait for him/her? And the most important: If he/she is already here, how will we know it?
I want to make clear something: I don’t believe in the theory of one and only love. It doesn’t have to do with being romantic or not, it is more a matter of statistics. There are billions of people out there so there could be billions of potential combinations, meaning people in relationships. Some fit better, others fit less and some are not compatible at all. Some of them will find their ideal partner easily and quickly while some others will be tortured enough until/maybe they will end up in a beautiful, healthy relationship. But what happens with people that will find love more than once? Is it something that they want to believe in? Did they misunderstand something? Or maybe is something else going on?
My answer to every person that falls in love deeply and honestly for more than once and they believe that they have found their “other half” is this: Everything is completely fine, there is nothing to worry about. Simply, the other half doesn’t exist. There are much more good combinations for you and you are so lucky that you found more than one during your life! You should be really happy and not worried!
Of course, if we want to be honest and clear with each other, the condition of having many other possible other halves if not exactly easy or simple. There is a clear trap for someone who will believe the above theory: If someone feels confident that even if he/she loses one half, he/she will find later another half, he/she will think that there is not a point of trying for a relationship since there are many other people waiting for him/her out there. But the truth is someone has to be very careful with the mathematical chances of other halves. Possible other halves are out there but until they come up in our lives, they will remain possible: Maybe we will meet them, maybe not. Moreover, there is a chance of other halves passing through our lives in a wrong moment (it’s called bad timing), so we will not be able to know or figure it out. In other words, existence of various good partners doesn’t mean necessarily meeting and co-existing with them. We may find one person to spend our lifetime with him/her. It is more rare to find more than one ideal partners to spend our lives. Unfortunately, there are also sometimes that we feel that the expected for life partner may not come. But, let’s be positive and let’s think that the day will come, we will find the ideal co-traveler. If he/she will finally come, we should not forget that things won’t work out automatically but after a lot of mutual work of both partners.
“Yes, but how do you know that he is your person?” I hear my friend asking me. The truth is that I don’t know how you know it. You may feel it but slowly you get it rationally (yes, rationally!) and you realize it ever day more and more. A female friend older than me told me once: “I didn’t realize that my husband is the one and only just in one day. I am with him for more than 20 years and everyday I realize it a little more. It is a non-stop process. Through facts that we live every day I understand that he is the ideal person for me”. I think that this is a helpful opinion for people who try to recognize who exactly is their other half. However, if I want to be kind of helpful I will mention five core elements that show some uniqueness and compatibility for people in a relationship and maybe there are good signs for the future of a couple.
Nobody wants the other one more or less. The level of desire to be in the relationship is equal for both partners. Don’t start wondering how is that possible and of course don’t try to calculate the percentages of your feelings. Mutual feelings are really obvious and when they exist they are usually shown quickly. If you are not wondering if he/she is really into you means that he/she is. If he/she is not wondering if you are really into him/her means that you are. It goes as simple as that.
Good communication and time that flows really fast
If you feel that time flies when you are together, some hours are not enough for your meetings and conversations that you have cannot easily end, then the news are good: You are in love but you also have good communication. If your really feel that you cannot get easily bored, even if you just sit and discuss stuff without doing anything special, then you must have a lot to say, to do and to live together. As long your relationship is not dull, you will want to go on with it.
Willingness to walk together in life
If we are talking about a relationship which is here to stay, then nothing could stop two people in love who want to be together. If there is a permanent obstacle that blocks things for good, then maybe this is not the one and only relationship you are looking for.
Intensive sense of chemistry/match
If you “must” stay together, then you should probably feel it really soon. Usually the couples that talk about mutual attraction and see their relationship goes really fast, they confess that doing everything really fast was not exactly a choice for them. It was the sense of chemistry, intimacy and need for the other person that made them move fast without even have the time to think their decisions. Maybe they cannot describe in words this sense of matching but they know what they felt. This condition seems similar with the description of love that The Prophet gave to Nio (“The Matrix”): “Nobody can tell you that you are in love, you just know that you are”. So, maybe some couples have no other choice but being in love and together.
Instinct confirms emotion
Maybe it has already happened to you: Once you wanted something really bad but the little voice deep inside you kept telling you that it was not such a good idea wanting what you wanted. Back then maybe you should have thought again some things before you make a decision. You already know you didn’t re-think things and you didn’t hear the small warning voice inside you. As a result, you tried to take what you wanted and things didn’t go well. But, what happens if things are different with your current relationship? What if the small voice inside you doesn’t have something negative to mention and no matter how much careful you are, you don’t see anything that makes you worried? Then you probably are in a special relationship and that is not only what your heart tells you, but also your mind confirms it!