Myths & truths about sex in long-term relationships

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Often in discussions with my clients we have to clarify what is true or a myth regarding sex. Many times we found it difficult to realize what is true and what is not about sex between couples. Below I will refer to some subjects that couples find interesting to discuss but also confusing.

Myth: A lot of sex means good sex.

Truth: Sometimes a lot of sex means unpleasant or even bad sex.

Myth: All the couples in long-term relationships stop having sex after some years.

Truth: During the years some couples will decrease sex for different reasons (e.g health reasons, family reasons etc.) but they will not stop it.

Myth: Sex during the first period of a relationship is always the best.

Truth: Sex becomes better while intimacy between a couple increases. The more we know each other, the better we will please each other. Qualitative orgasms happen more often in relationships of tenderness and love.

Myth: If a couple stops sex, they cannot start again.

Truth: If two people wish to be again lovers, they could succeed it with help from some specialists (a doctor, a psychologist etc.) and with conscious effort.

Myth: Sexual abstinence means relationship abstinence.

Truth: Sexual abstinence comes up in relationships for various reasons. It is not always a result of a relationship problem. Couples should be able to recognize sexual abstinence that is related to relationship problems from the ones that has to do with external factors. When we understand the reason of a problem then we can find a good solution. And then sex may return in our relationship.

Myth: Infidelity means lack of interest for the current relationship.

Truth: Often means exactly the opposite. Quite a lot of people become unfaithful when they feel isolated. They think that by being cheaters they will look more interesting and desirable to their current partners. So for some people infidelity seems the only way to be noticed by their partners.

Myth: If we have a good time with a new partner that doesn’t mean that we cannot enjoy sex with an old one.

Truth: Often people in long-term relationships believe that sex with a new partner will be much better than sex with an old partner. Quite often this hypothesis is not confirmed. Good sex is based on various factors (conditions, thoughts, emotions and mood of lovers) so the truth is that we cannot predict when we will have a good sexual experience. An old relationship doesn’t necessarily mean bad sex. We can have really good sex with an ex partner and very bad sex with a new partner. Moreover, good sex with one partner doesn’t mean that you will have bad sex with another partner.

Do you have problems with your partner that seem big and difficult to be solved? If you still love each other and you believe that you cannot lose something if you fight for it then please don’t hesitate to ask help from a mental health specialist with experience in couple therapy.

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