I don’t talk to my parents

Today I am writing about a difficult and painful subject: Lack of communication between adult kids and their parents. No, I am not talking about lack of understanding that could occur in any kind of relationship and of course to a parent-child relationship. I am talking about a real, literal stop of communication between adults and their parents. More specifically I am referring to the decision of some people to stop contact to their parents. What happens with this fact? Does it happen a lot? For what reasons? Could it be avoided? What does it mean for adult kids and what for parents?

First of all let’s clarify something: A decision of staying away from our families is not at all pleasant. In an ideal world all the children can coexist with their mentally mature parents without any problems. But since our world is far less than ideal, we should realize the truth and try calmly to get some safe results.

4 factors that could lead to divorce and 4 ways to prevent it

I recently read that in a research in 2000 two researchers (John Gottman from the University of Washington and Robert Wayne Levenson from the University of California – Berkeley) investigated the predictability of divorces in long-term relationships. More specifically they managed to found between other data that there are four behaviors that could probably lead to a divorce if they occur frequently. The model of Gottman and Levenson (2000) found to have 93% accuracy in predicting divorce.

More specifically:

Two periods have found to be more critical for the conservation/continuation of a marriage:

– The first seven years of a marriage during which half couples have a divorce

– The period during which the first child becomes 14 years old “which has been suggested as a low point for marital satisfaction in the life course” (Gottman & Levenson, 2000).

My dear child: Stop considering that your parents are responsible for everything that happens in your life

My dear child…

Today I am here to send an epistle in every child no matter what is their gender, nationality, religion, social class, age. My epistle includes one basic request: My beloved children stop blaming your parents for all the things that come up in your life. Your parents cannot be responsible for everything, but only for some of those you experience, so they cannot have the full responsibility for your existence.

Your parents don’t know everything, they know only some things. They are not perfect, but certainly they sometimes try to be good. They are not wise, but they try to teach you from their experience. They are not  important to everyone, but they are important to you. They are not rich but they have been trying to make a living. They will not be with you forever, but they will live forever inside you.

Dear parent: Learn to support your kid

Support your child

Dear parent I am here today with a new request for you: Try to support your child honestly every time you realize it needs you. Moreover, stop blaming your kid for everything it does but probably it was learnt by you. I know that many times you don’t bother to think that a behavior of the teenager/adult you have in front of you is a result of the interaction you had with him/her all these years. Also, I am sure that most of the times you prefer – reasonably –  to assume that for your kid’s inappropriate behavior the only responsible would be a friend, a teacher, a sexual partner or anyone else convenient! However, my dear parent, this is your child and it was raised in your house and as most of the children in this planet, your child was mimicking lots of behaviors, thoughts and emotions which he/she was experiencing in his/her home. No! Don’t get mad and don’t react in a negative way! I don’t want to blame you for everything bad or negative in this world but I should tell you that it is important to take a minimum responsibility in your life: this would be the nurture of your child!

Dear parent: Raise independent children

Raise healthy, free children

Today I start sending some “epistles” to share my thoughts with you. The truth is that it has been a while since I wanted to tell you some things and since you are here now reading these lines, I hope to have your attention in my first request and also to all the following ones.

I start immediately by asking you maybe the most difficult thing regarding the relationship with your kid: Please do me the favor to love your child by leaving it to “breath” by itself. You have your lungs and your kid has its’ own lungs. Fortunately, oxygen is enough for all of us. So each of us should breath by ourselves while we remain close to each other.

7 wrong reasons to have a kid

A child? Think again!

For days I am reading and reading articles regarding motherhood/parenthood. The strange thing is that during the last period I am not reading articles that flaunting – as usually  – emotions of being a parent and the unique experience of raising kids. More and more articles are being written about the right of many women – and men of course – not to have any children.

My personal opinion always was – for a strange reason – that everybody is free to do anything he/she wants. I always assume that people are not the same, they don’t have the same capacity to do things, they don’t have the same needs or tastes. I eat different kinds of food from my brother. I hear different kinds of music from my cousin. I wanted a different profession from my other classmates. So is it so strange if some people want kids and some others don’t?  Yes, as I see until nowadays. For some people out there the desire to avoid having kids is completely crazy!

With this conclusion, I just thought about the opposite. Which are the irrational, wrong reasons for somebody to have a kid. Because, let’s be honest: only a few people around us had a child knowing what is going to happen into their lives. Yes, the kid is “a gift from God” or “a meaning of life” as many people say, but it is also a great responsibility. Maybe the greatest. And if I retrospect that most of the people around me are at least irresponsible, then I already know what these people were thinking before they had children.

When kids are not born “perfect”

Who is perfect?

Since I am occupied with mental health, within the last years I have often participated in conversations having as subject kids who were born with some physical or mental abnormality and how their parents behave to them. Frequent questions that can easily come up during these conversations are: “Isn’t a life with a kid who has a permanent problem more difficult?”, “How can you raise a sick child? Is everybody able to do that?” or “If you know that you are pregnant to a child that is not completely healthy, are you going to give birth to it or not?”. It is wonderful to have this kind of conversations. It is really pleasant to talk about this subject and I feel really happy when I see people wondering about these things and they have not decided yet. A person who wonders is less hard, more open to new ideas, opinions and experiences that can change your life. I always feel sorry for people who don’t have any questions, they don’t desire to learn something new and they don’t worry about various social subjects. Probably they believe that the subject we discuss now it is not of their interests. But seriously, this kind of people can really frighten me!